Monday, March 15, 2010

Insomnia

I don't know if you've ever known someone who struggles with insomnia. If you know me, now you do. I decided to get out of bed tonight (or this morning, rather) and take my mind off the fact that I've been trying to sleep for hours now. I just read a blog post (on a very helpful site for moms) about how to "maximize your mornings." This lady starts her day at 5:30 a.m., which is about 45 minutes from now. It is a great post about exercise and quiet times, eating healthy, etc., but I haven't even fallen asleep yet! And if I do, I'm sure Ruthie will wake up and want to be fed anyway. I wonder if she could help me "maximize my nights." :)

Anyway... while being exhaustively frustrated, I decided to simply ask for prayer. It can be quite discouraging to go one night without sleep, but adding night upon night is almost maddening. The exhaustion is absolutely terrible, but I think the worst part is simply not being able to sleep. It gets all psychological and crazy when you're lying there thinking, 'everyone else can fall asleep, why am I not able to do this?' After all, sleep isn't something you should have to know how to do, you just do it. You just lay there, close your eyes, change positions a few times and there you go! But, if that doesn't happen, do you just close your eyes harder? Do you change positions 15 more times? Do you put a pillow over your head? Do you cry until your totally worn out? See what I mean? It is crazy to even have to think about it. Sometimes it will be a bout 4 or 5 nights in a row that I haven't slept and I just can't wait until the next night because I know I'm getting to the point where I'm so exhausted my body just crashes. It has only been 2 nights this run, but that doesn't mean it isn't completely overwhelming to even think of getting up with the girls and trying to be a fun and attentive mommy and a supportive wife. Not to mention all of the other things you want to do... with a joyful attitude. Yeah right.

I've heard and read so much about it and can't come up with any rock-solid answers or things to do differently. So please, unless you are a serious insomniac and have walked through this yourself (I'm talking about more than getting up to nurse babies, although I know that is tiring too), I'm just asking for prayer. I have prayed for the Lord to lift this burden repeatedly. He hasn't chosen to yet, and so I'm trying to find some meaning in it. It is a journey the Lord and I are on together. Sometimes I am very open to the Holy Spirit providing me strength and insight. Other times I'm just frustrated and very closed off to His voice. My prayer is that I would always be ready to hear what He has to say, regardless of the time, how tired I am, or what I think He should be doing for me. It is a process of sanctification, for sure.

So, having said all of that, here are a few prayer requests:
  • To sleep... Through the entire night.
  • If there's anything I need to change in my lifestyle, I would be aware of it and by His strength be able to change it.
  • Even if I don't sleep, I would be a loving wife to Russ and a wonderful Mommy to my girls.
  • I would allow this problem to sanctify me until the time comes when I don't struggle with it anymore.
  • I would be open to whatever the Lord wants me to do while I'm awake at night rather than just laying there getting more frustrated (i.e. prayer, reading the word, etc...).

Proverbs 3:24 - "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."

Psalm 127:2 - "He grants sleep to those He loves."

5 comments:

The Weeks Family said...

I keep this in my prayers.

G-Metal, Coco, Angel Face and Bunny said...

Oh my gosh Jackie, this is soooo horrible. I can not even fathom dealing with that kind of insomnia. I think when you don't get sleep for many days in a row, it's almost like you're "on something"... you can't think clearly, you get so easily frustrated. I am so sad you deal with this and I will definitely be praying you to somehow get all the sleep you need-or the good advice/medical intervention you need to help you sleep.

Jenny G. said...

Well, Jackie, I wouldn't say I've experience not sleeping like you have, but since I've been pregnant... I have had quite a few sleepless nights. Not only do I have to get up to go the the bathroom 2-3 times a night (& I'm only in my first trimester, so I can't imagine if I'm getting up 2-3 times now...what is it going to be like in my 4th trimester?), but then when I lay back down after making my trip to the bathroom I lay there forever!... I can't fall back asleep! There have been nights where I woke up at 2am and laid there till morning. So needless to say, I understand the lying in bed and your mind wandering, you toss and turn and then just get MAD b/c your husband has no problem sleeping and you CAN'T! I understand.

Wallace Family said...

Praying...

The Jantzens said...

Jack...bummed for you...and will be praying for you and your family! Love ya!