Thursday, July 5, 2012

Computer Glitches

The strangest thing happened the other night. Russ had forwarded me an article entitled, "What if I had stayed in the workforce?" written by a stay-at-home-mom. It was an interesting article, for sure, but since my time in the workforce was brief and random at best, I've never struggled with the issue of staying home to raise my kids. The crux of the article, though, wasn't necessarily about that, but rather finding your worth in the Lord. Not in the work place. Not in motherhood. Not in anything or anyone but Christ. And this, of course, is a message we all need to hear repeatedly. Midway through this tiny post, she started a new paragraph with these words:

There is no better path to discouragement than to look within ourselves. Instead we are to look to our Savior.

I read the next two sentences. They were the same. Followed by more of the same. Again and again, those two lines repeated themselves. I called Russ over to see if this was how the article read. At first he didn't even notice what the problem was, but then he assured me that his didn't do that. Some kind of computer glitch had printed those lines over and over again, and when I tried to scroll down to get to the end of the post (which was only about 10 more lines), I couldn't even get to it because these two lines just kept appearing and pushing everything else further down.

There is no better path to discouragement than to look within ourselves. Instead we are to look to our Savior.

This came to mind today as I was driving to Costco with all three girls in tow. I was tearing up just thinking about never having any time to myself and how I have to take the girls everywhere with me. I was thinking about how I would have to load and unload them, fit all of our goods in the cart with all of them crammed in it and somehow keep them from opening each box, cracking the eggs, and fighting over the snacks. I remembered how messy the churros were last time and thought about not getting each girl one, but then wondered how I would even get around the store without some kind of distraction for them. The cart is heavy to push. I am 6 months pregnant. My back hurts. I am out of breath even before I start shopping. I get weird stares from people. There's really nothing about the shopping trip that excites me. I mean, its a warehouse for crying out loud! And an under-air-conditioned one at that! Some days I even get frustrated with poor Russ thinking to myself, 'sure he has to work all day, but I work all day too and I have 3 kids to tend to while doing it. He's not pregnant. He's not lugging three kids around while trying to shop.' On and on and ON! So yeah. I was going down that road this morning and then I remembered the two, never ending sentences from the article.

There is no better path to discouragement than to look within ourselves. Instead we are to look to our Savior.

Thankfully, I had filed that thought away, thinking that maybe the Lord was speaking to me. I started to pray. Just little short prayers, pouring my frustrations out to the Lord. It was a wonderful 15 minute car ride. Miraculously, the girls didn't call my name once and I just talked to my Savior the whole way. And yes, we ended up having a pretty smooth trip, but that's not the point. The point is that I am very drawn to not only look to myself for all of the answers (that's only one layer of the sin), but to obsess about all the things that are affecting me, me, me. I've been battling discouragement a lot lately in all sorts of ways. One day I'll be frustrated about my sugars, the next I feel like I don't have any friends and am not doing enough to attract people to myself. After that I'll be annoyed with how I handled something with my kids or my husband. I'll start making charts, graphs, lists -whatever it takes- to organize the craziness and all the while I'll forget to utter one prayer asking for help. At times I buy into the lie that I have the answers and can save myself (even in these little, daily disturbances) and I remain discouraged.

There is no better path to discouragement than to look within ourselves. Instead we are to look to our Savior.

But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory in Christ Jesus! We don't have to stay in that place! Pray without ceasing! Pray about everything! Not in a formal, disconnected way, and not just for smooth Costco trips, but with a posture that says, "Father, I need you for everything. I need you for big things and small things. In fact, I can't do anything by myself or for myself, but You promised that I can do all things through You. Give me a desire to connect with You about everything, Lord." Perhaps this is what it is to truly commune with the Lord constantly. Start praying about your shopping trips. Start praying about your kids. Start praying about your health. Start praying about your crappy attitude. Even if it is a one-sentence-on-the-go type of prayer. Start believing He wants to hear about it!

Instead we are to look to our Savior.

The Lord speaks in such funny ways sometimes. He can even use computer glitches to get his point across. I'm so thankful he reminded me of his truth over and over again and today I hope to look to my Savior all day long.


G-Metal, Coco, Angel Face and Bunny said...

I love this! And as always, I love your transparency. :) This is such an important reminder and I imagine every person that reads your blog will connect with this sentiment. I often beat myself up over issues where I've screwed up and life is harder because of that screwup and I think I shouldn't expect God to help me since I was the one who screwed up. Life can sure get complicated, stressful, exhausting and I know for sure that God wants us to find that rest/assurance/self worth/peace in Him and Him alone. I hope you're better than me and can learn to do this fast. I feel like stuff like this I have been traveling around that "mountain" many times because I'm such a control freak and do not look to the Lord first. What a mistake on my part...but thank God He's helping us to do the right thing and live like He wants us to live thru messages thru computer glitches and reading friend's blog posts about computer glitches. :) Praying for physical/emotional/spiritual strength for you today and lots of blessings on you & your sweet family & that precious baby boy!
PS> I totally REFUSE to grocery shop with the kids by myself if at all possible, so kudos for you for maintaining your sanity AT ALL while doing this... If it were me, I'd run out after Russ got home from work. You get a break, it gets done twice as fast, Russ gets special time with the girls- win win right. ;)

walkergirl said...

Have you ever thot about writting a devotional for young mother's? You have always amazed me Jackie and your love for the LORD. Believe God uses most those who struggle the most and are honest and transparent about their flaws. We all have them. Thanks for sharing so genuinely. That's why I love you! Keep looking unto Jesus!